I have recently been reading some of the writings of Blaise Pascal. His On the Conversion of the Sinner beautifully captures the contradiction that is in the heart of the sinner, and the deep dissatisfaction that is present in the soul that are a part of the "first stirrings" that God causes:
"The soul can no longer serenely enjoy the things that captivated it. Constant scruples attack the soul in its pleasure, and because of this introspection it no longer finds the usual sweetness in the things to which it once abandoned itself blithely with an overflowing heart.
"But the soul finds more bitterness in the disciplines of holiness than in the futilities of the world. On the one hand, the presence of visible things seems more powerful than the hope of the things unseen; on the other hand, the permanence of things unseen moves it more than does the frivolity of visible things. And thus, the presence of the one and the constancy of the other fight for the soul's affection; the emptiness of the one and the absence of the other awaken its disgust.
"The soul considers mortal things as already dying and even as already dead. It is terrified by this realization, this certainty of the annihilation of all that it loves as the ticking by of each moment snatches away the pleasure at hand; it is terrified when all that is dearest slips away into nothingness at every moment, and by the certainty that there will come a day when all the sweet things of this earth will be gone, and the soul will be destitute of the things it placed its trust in."
Great Shorter Works of Pascal 118 (Cailliet, Emile & Blankenagel, John C., trans., Greenwood Press 1948).
Soli Deo Gloria
"The soul can no longer serenely enjoy the things that captivated it. Constant scruples attack the soul in its pleasure, and because of this introspection it no longer finds the usual sweetness in the things to which it once abandoned itself blithely with an overflowing heart.
"But the soul finds more bitterness in the disciplines of holiness than in the futilities of the world. On the one hand, the presence of visible things seems more powerful than the hope of the things unseen; on the other hand, the permanence of things unseen moves it more than does the frivolity of visible things. And thus, the presence of the one and the constancy of the other fight for the soul's affection; the emptiness of the one and the absence of the other awaken its disgust.
"The soul considers mortal things as already dying and even as already dead. It is terrified by this realization, this certainty of the annihilation of all that it loves as the ticking by of each moment snatches away the pleasure at hand; it is terrified when all that is dearest slips away into nothingness at every moment, and by the certainty that there will come a day when all the sweet things of this earth will be gone, and the soul will be destitute of the things it placed its trust in."
Great Shorter Works of Pascal 118 (Cailliet, Emile & Blankenagel, John C., trans., Greenwood Press 1948).
Soli Deo Gloria